I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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