epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
