my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
