the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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