I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
