the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
