as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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