Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
