You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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