4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The struggles of a small town man whore
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
