That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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