Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
