You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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