OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
