i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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