i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
