I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
