You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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