I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
