"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
