I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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