You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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