You don't have asthma, your pregnant
one might say we're banned from that church
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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