the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
