Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
