idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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