I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
