is your mom at the bar?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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