Taylor Swift is so right about you.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
