sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Did we literally take a cab across the street
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
