can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
