She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
