I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
then he tried to convert me to islam
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
