Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
