And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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