he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
