Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
