I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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