i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
