Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
