Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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