3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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