no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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