theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Randomize