So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
