Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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