I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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