i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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