i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
