Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
