You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
