I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
