just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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