put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
