I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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