I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
