I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Come share oat with me in your robe
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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