I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I am one with the molecules
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
