I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
