I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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