battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
